Following Darkness
by seion boshi
Summary: Aizen's illusion keeps her trapped inside her mind, endlessly tortured, unable to escape. The door to Hinamori's sanity and even her life remains locked, and in all Seireitei only Hitsugaya holds the key. Into the darkness and beyond, whatever it takes...
1. Through the Rain

Don't own Bleach. Meh.

**Through the Rain**

Hitsugaya stared, arms folded as usual, leaning in the doorway. Fourth Division was quiet this morning; the halls empty. It was still dark outside, and the rain fell in torrents. _That could be said for more than just the weather…  
_It was a cold rain that only magnified the gloom surrounding the hospital in the early hours of the morning. Weeks had passed since Aizen's departure from Soul Society, and yet, Hinamori showed no signs of waking.

The Tenth Division Captain's icy stare never moved from the bed where she lay in deep comatose, his face impassive. That face…he was too good at it, always determined never to show the slightest weakness. _We've always been together, you and I. Since we were kids growing up, we've been friends. _His glance moved to the window above the bed.  
_The rain…  
_He sighed and looked away. His calloused fingers found that knot between his brow, and paused there, rubbing. _The rain hasn't stopped. No…I know it won't stop. Not until…  
_  
As his eyes found her again he faltered. He motioned as if to move closer, but he remained where he stood in the doorway.  
…_damnit…__How many days has it been? __How many times have I come here and not been able to enter this room? I've stood here watching you day after day. Nothing is happening. _

…_I'm…scared, Hinamori. Scared that you won't ever… __From here, you're only sleeping, but_…_if I_…_and you don't…  
__Will you ever come back?_

_I remember…  
All the days you would come by and tell me about the academy, your dreams…and_ him  
"_Shirou-chan! Shirou-chan!" always that stupid nickname_…_baka**…  
**You were so annoying…so predictable…and yet…__You were always there. One consistency in my life: _you _were always with me…smiling. That's…why I_…

_But then _he_ happened. That bastard who took you away from me. _Stole_ you…all the while _deceiving_ you- causing you so much pain. __Ever since the day your scream echoed throughout Seireitei, the horrors you endured since then…you've never been the same. __And I could do nothing to ease your torment._

Hitsugaya's eyes narrowed. His fists clenched as he remembered her suffering, and finally as she lay betrayed and dying at the hands of the man she loved..._Until now my only wish has been to keep you safe…but…that was the one thing I couldn't do._

_Hinamori…gomen.  
__I was too late.  
__This is all...my...fault._

As he turned to leave he failed to notice Unohana, captain of the Fourth Division, standing silently in the shadowed hallway.  
"Will you still not speak to her?"

Hitsugaya paused without turning around.  
"Unohana-taichou…"

"She needs you."

Hitsugaya's chest ached with remorse. _I need her…too…but I… _"I…I have to go."

Unohana continued gently, "You must have _something_ to say to her…?" She glided past him. "You must care for her very deeply to come here as often as you do..."

Now alone, he turned and looked back through the doorway; the room looked so far away. _Hinamori…I… _He took a step toward the door, his once-sealed emotions battling with the ice-cold, determined will of the captain he sought to be. _She won't hear me. She never has. Besides, what would I say to her? Even so…it's too late now..._

…_or is it? _

_But I don't deserve to speak to her. I failed and couldn't save her._ He hesitated a moment. _But what if…just maybe I... _He willed himself forward and through the doorway, entering her room for the first time.

Closing the door, he stopped and looked around. It seemed so much smaller and colder than from where he always stood. The rain outside fell harder, pounding the roof and window, threatening to shatter the tiny little cell. Turning toward Hinamori, he took a deep breath and slowly made his way toward her bedside. He sat down and, taking her cool hand gently in both of his, he gazed upon her and his eyes immediately softened.

She looked so beautiful lying there, even without her amber eyes reflecting the twinkle of her playful smile. _That smile…_ he missed it so much. Her face and form blurred before his eyes as his will melted in defeat under his emotions' fiery strain. The sting of regret and self-loathing consumed him as he hung his head…and cried.  
…_the rain won't stop…_

"Hinamori, I…I'm…sorry."  
With one trembling hand he caressed her cheek. For so long he had wondered what he would say, but now that he was here, alone, words just fell desperately from his lips.

"I wonder if you can hear me… They say your wounds are all healed. He…that _nightmare_ is gone from us now…he's finally gone. See? It…it's ok to wake up now." There was no movement. No sign. She merely lay there cold and seemingly dead. The walls seemed to shrink around them both, and inside that dull, dimly lit hospital room, the young captain had never felt so alone. He rubbed her hand and tried to warm it in his. "Hinamori…please…_wake up_. Please just…open your eyes?…for me…?"

His voice wavered as he spoke to her. Anyone looking on would not have recognized this helpless boy as the usually composed and cool-headed captain he was. With silence as her only response to his plea he hung his head again and was thankful that no one was.

Two hours passed in silence, but Hitsugaya never once let go of her hand. He couldn't. He had to do _something_, though he had no idea what.  
"Hinamori,…forgive me… I wasn't strong enough to save you…but I swear I'll never let them hurt you again." His eyes burned with cold fire as his mask restored itself and left no trace of the weeping boy of only a moment earlier. Clasping her hand, he held it to his own cheek and willed her to wake. "I'm _here_. _Open_ your eyes and look at me, Hinamori…_please_."

As he closed his eyes, yearning to hear just one word from her still lips, a hot tear of frustration ran down his cheek and dropped silently onto her hand. His eyes shot back open. _What was that!  
_  
An almost inaudible sound.  
…_ch..n…  
_He almost jumped out of his chair. The young captain's heart raced as he called to her. "Hinamori? Hinamori, can you hear me? Open your eyes!"

The tiniest whisper escaped her pale lips, "…Shi…Shirou…..ch..an…."

"I'm here."  
_Your Shirou-chan will always be here. _He squeezed her hand tighter as the sting from his blue-green eyes threatened to thaw the façade once more.

"Go..men…ne…"  
She still did not wake, but a single tear rolled down her cheek. Hitsugaya, his heart feeling like it would almost burst from his chest, brushed it away with his finger and closed his eyes- on his lips a soft smile.

"It's alright now. I'm here…and you're going to be just fine. I promise…" He sat up and glanced toward the window again as he noticed a speck of light fleck Hinamori's cheek. The light grew brighter, and danced off her raven hair, making it shimmer. The clouds outside were breaking…

_The sun's rising…_he thought, as he smiled and sat forward in his chair once again. The Tenth Division Captain, for once, not caring who was watching, leaned down and delicately kissed her forehead. He whispered to her, "Hinamori…the rain is finally lifting."

Ok! So this is my first fanfic…I know I'm not that good…but let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is welcome!


	2. Hope Fades

Don't own Bleach.

**Hope Fades**

She spoke. She actually spoke. Three words had escaped her lips, barely audible, but they were there. Many rejoiced, believing that the last loose end of the disaster left by Aizen would finally be tied. However her anticipated recovery was pushed back further and further as days turned into weeks, and months slowly passed. Hinamori Momo uttered nothing else. She remained bedridden in Fourth Division and as dead to Soul Society as she was to the real world.

Hitsugaya visited whenever he could afford the time. If he was absent on assignment or mission, his path would always find its way to her bedside within the first few hours upon returning. She was always in his thoughts. _What if she wakes up when I'm not there?_

Unlike so many, he still had hope.

He would always tell her about things that happened around Soul Society, his missions, what the other vice-captains were up to (or at least what he could pick up from Matsumoto without sounding _too_ interested). He would tell her everything, though just as often he spent the time sitting in silence. As unsettled as he was by her current state, merely being with her always comforted him.

Hitsugaya had never once given in to the possibility that she would not wake. Not since that day anyway. The day when he finally gathered enough courage to enter her room. She had spoken to him, and he knew that somehow she felt him there. He couldn't give up hoping. She was there…somewhere. He…just had to find her.

* * *

On occasional mornings while rushing from his captain's quarters on his way to Fourth Division, his vice-captain Matsumoto would wake up early to accompany him. _"Do you mind, Taichou, if I come with you today?"_

"_If you want," _is all he would say.

Whenever Rangiku or anyone else was with him in Hinamori's room, his emotions always kept their distance. He still could not allow his own vice-captain, his closest subordinate officer, to witness his vulnerability. But Rangiku already knew. She saw the change from the very moment he stepped into Hinamori's quarters.  
It was in his eyes.  
The impassive mask of his face never changed, but his eyes…he would enter the room, see her there and those blue-green ice crystals softened every time. She, who had become so used to reading her captain, could tell immediately how fond he was of the meek girl lying in the bed in front of them.

There were even times when she thought she saw the hint of a tear about to break its way through his hardened expression. It was always at those moments she noticed the pitter patter of rain drops on the window outside. The beginning of a storm…  
_  
I know he cries…even if he never lets me see it…  
__The sky tells me so.  
_She knew. Those stormy eyes; the violent sky. But she knew better than to say anything about it.  
_Just stand by him. That alone will be enough._

An exchange of words was never necessary between the two of them. She understood him better than anyone, and he knew she understood. Yes, that was more than enough.

* * *

One evening, ending her errands early, Rangiku found her way back to her captain's office. She peeked inside hoping to find him at his desk and not off somewhere alone, as was becoming more and more frequent these days. He had even disappeared earlier that afternoon, his absence unnoticed save by her and a few others. She never knew where he went, and she could never bring herself to ask. Over the years, Rangiku had learned the extent to which her captain preferred to keep his personal matters private. Asking him to confide in her would be an unjustifiable invasion of that privacy.

Finding everything as it should be, or at least _where _it should be, she slipped in and shut the door without a sound. As she leisurely made her way to the couch, pretending not to notice, an accusatory glance preceding an irritated "_Tch…"_ followed her into the room. "Didn't I leave word for you to go to 8th Division on errand, Matsumoto, or did you think it would be wiser to come back and take a nap first?"

She looked up in mock-surprise at her captain's annoyance, exclaiming, "Oh! Taichou. Heh. I can barely _see_ you over that mound of paperwork."

Hitsugaya's eyebrow twitched at her mischievous retort. He shot her a look, appeared as if to scold her further, but changed his mind and scoffed. "_Anyway, _what did Kyoraku say?"

"He'll need until tomorrow to write up a proper reply, but he says he'll review your notes tonight and respond as soon as possible." She reached the couch, plopped down and heaved a sigh, her arms draped over the back.

"That's fine," he said, as he resumed his work. Although, judging from the tone of his voice, she could tell that not everything was.

Matsumoto looked back at him. His agitation with her lasted only a short while these days, his mind always seemingly preoccupied with something else. _Even so…_

"And, since you're here." As he caught her glance he slid a stack of papers toward the front of his desk in her direction.

Her mouth turned in a half-smile. _Even so…_ She could tell he was grateful for her company. Especially during the long, dull days full of paperwork in the quiet of that office. And he was grateful for her humor, which is why she still provoked him from time to time when she felt he was becoming too distant…

She got up from the couch without reply and took the papers from his desk, pausing briefly. He had seemed extremely distracted today, more so than usual. She glanced down at the small captain buried in papers behind his desk, and her concern overflowed. _Taichou…Where do you go all the time? It's like you've been hiding…even now. That's not you…_ She knew he wouldn't confide in her. Nevertheless she couldn't help the question that was itching to be released from the tip of her tongue. Her sense of reason was powerless to stop it.  
"Ne…Taichou?"

"Aeh?" he replied without looking up, his forehead propped by his small hand.

"Oh, uh…nevermind," she sighed. What else was new? She could never bring herself to pry _tactfully_. Anything she ever got out of him was done strictly by taking advantage of his exasperation with her. She knew by the look in his eyes that his mind was consumed with thoughts of Hinamori, her health, her safety, and what he could possibly do to fix it. His heart bled for that girl, mostly because he knew he was powerless against the forces which kept her from him.

_Those eyes again._ It was a new look, one he had adopted ever since…well, ever since _it_ happened. Such an unguarded expression wasn't becoming…not of _her_ captain. Besides…how often did it remind her of those bitter feelings lurking behind her _own_ eyes…and in her heart? _I know, Taichou. I understand.  
_She hated seeing him in such a state. Confused and alone, but blindly hoping against all hope. _Maybe not so blindly._ But it only reminded her of her own pain and confusion at being left behind.

To the untrained eye, he was still no more than a child. And yet…over the past few months something about him had changed. He was not the same cocky boy genius who surpassed his older and more experienced classmates, taking the rank of Captain so early on in his life. Many wondered if he was really fit for such responsibility at his age. She always knew he was, but now…just something…aside from his obvious worry and fear for Hinamori…she couldn't quite put her finger on it…but something else was different.

One thing was certain, though. That iron-clad will of his would never fail. He would never stop trying, never stop believing. He would do everything within his growing power to see that that which was most important to him was put right…and kept safe.

_It's been almost a year since Taichou and Hinamori-chan were wounded by Aizen.  
__Taichou made it through just fine…his will is strong…but Hinamori-chan's is…  
_After taking a seat at her desk, she again glanced over at the Tenth Division Captain, sitting, head still in hand, hunched over his paperwork. Now, however, he seemed to hardly be looking at it at all.

He had been doing things like this for awhile now, staring at his desk but looking at nothing. Sometimes she would come back at night to find the office empty, unfinished papers still in piles where their deliverers had carefully laid them. It wasn't like him to shirk paperwork. But of course she knew better.

She thought to suggest taking a break (and perhaps a drink) when there was a knock at the office door. Hitsugaya barely looked up from his desk as he vaguely replied.  
"Come in."

Two men entered. They had a grungy look about them, as if they had just emerged from brawling in the streets. Rangiku gawked at their dirt-streaked faces, wondering at the extent to which the struggle must have exerted them. The exhausted officers bowed and gave their report. "The mission was successful, sir…"

Rangiku's attention drifted to her captain's distracted mood and wondered again what she could to do to get him out of it, when she noticed a hell moth fly in from the window. It approached her, and she held out her finger as a perch to accept the message. Her chair was loud against the floor as she quickly stood. She turned toward her captain, her voice insistent. "Taichou…"

One look at her face and Hitsugaya knew.  
_Hinamori!  
_He silenced the reporting officers with his hand as Rangiku spoke. "It's…from Unohana-taichou. …'Urgent' she says…"

Without waiting to hear another word, Hitsugaya snatched Hyourinmaru from its resting place next to his chair. With no attempt to strap it over his shoulder, he made for the door. The small captain sounded downright formidable as he hissed, "Matsumoto…!"

"Go, Taichou. Please leave them to me."

He didn't reply, but paused at the doorway, turning briefly. The look in his eyes was all Rangiku needed to understand his gratitude.  
An instant later he was gone.

* * *

Within minutes, he had arrived at Fourth Division. He burst into the darkened entryway to find Unohana standing there to meet him. "Hitsugaya-taichou. Thank you for coming. I apologize for the hour."

"Hinamori…is she alright! What happened!"  
His heart was racing, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins. Unohana merely looked at him with sympathy in her gentle eyes. His irritation at her silence momentarily got the best of him.  
"Unohana-taichou!"

"I'm afraid that this long-awaited development is an unfortunate one. Her will…is failing."

_No…  
_She had spoken of this. From the very beginning Unohana had said this might happen!  
"_I have healed all the wounds on her body, but her heart and soul have been too greatly damaged. Whether she lives or dies is no longer within my power. It is merely a question of the strength of her will to live. Whether or not she wakes up, completely depends on her decision to either remain hidden from the world, or awaken to her shattered reality…"_

A sudden fear gripped Hitsugaya, like an ice-cold hand squeezing his heart, the pressure in his chest so great he couldn't breathe. His grip loosened on the sword still clutched in his hand. Finally he managed to speak, his voice low but stable. "What…happened."

"Please come inside."  
He followed the healer into the Fourth Division Office where they could speak in private. Unohana rounded her desk and sat down. Hitsugaya, being so unsettled, chose to stand.

"Earlier this evening Hinamori fuku-taichou's condition worsened. When she was wounded a piece of the illusion created by the zanpakutou, Kyouka Suigetsu, still lingered inside her. She was too deeply comatose until now for us to be aware of this fact. It was only this evening, when we began to see signs of her regaining consciousness, that it was confirmed."

Hitsugaya blinked, his voice faltered as he said, "a…an illusion? But you said her _will_ was the only thing keeping her from waking."

"That is what we believed until now. We were unaware until tonight how serious her condition truly is. Her mind has been trapped inside that illusion, but only now is she able to consciously experience it. It appears to exist only inside of her, but…judging from her screams…_Aizen_ is still torturing her…"

Hitsugaya's fists tightened as he heard _that name_. His jaw clenched and his breath caught in his throat as he ventured to inquire no louder than a whisper.  
"…s..screams?"

"I'm afraid that she seems to be reliving the most scarring elements of his treachery. The discovery of his feigned murder, drawing swords against you, and finally almost being killed herself, by her own captain. I am not sure as to why or how such a thing remained after Aizen disappeared, but I _am_ certain it is this illusion which impedes Hinamori's progress toward consciousness, and forces her to retreat further into her misery.

"The shock of what she seems to be seeing damages her spirit so that she is no longer strong enough to break free of it on her own. She was defenseless from the beginning; we all were, but she is now devoid of the power or motivation to fight it. Instead of retaliating, she has given in to the despair his illusion incites, and has turned her damaging thoughts upon herself. Instead of freeing her mind, the action she takes is doing the opposite."

He was confused and frustrated with this long explanation. Hitsugaya took a deep, silent breath and gripped Hyourinmaru tighter, letting the chill spread through his veins and calm him just a little. He slowly exhaled, his composure returned. "What are you saying…that she's holding _herself_ prisoner?

"I'm saying that what she is experiencing now, coupled with her regret and _guilt_, is causing her to give up completely."

Hitsugaya started. "Guilt?"

"The pain and anguish she is projecting now is born from two main sources. First, are the events brought about by Aizen's cruelty. The second resulted from you."

It took him almost no time at all to realize what this implied. _I failed her again…  
_"I…_I'm _the…cause of this…?"

"No. Aizen is. He is making her suffer by showing her images of _her_ betrayal, as well as the consequences, whether they have actually happened or not. That is one reason why I asked you here tonight.  
…She is calling for you, Hitsugaya-taichou."

Hitsugaya's eyes widened.  
_Her betrayal…!  
__She's…still suffering?  
__And…calling for…me?  
__That bastard, Aizen. How much more pain do you have to cause her! You played her, and she fell for it. But you got what you wanted! Why are you still here!_

A cold flare ignited in his eyes, flames spawned of hatred and vengeance. He could feel the ice dragon inside him clawing its way up from the depths of his soul. He could feel Hyourinmaru pulsating in his hand with such a lust for revenge he almost lost himself in it, control over his rage about to fail. From the chasm of his mind an echoing cry filled his entire being, faint and far away at first but steadily growing. On the edge of losing all control, the cry almost on the tip of his tongue, he was suddenly wrenched back to his senses, struck with a sickening horror.

What began as _his_ soul crying for retribution seamlessly bled into a bone-chilling scream that pierced the heavy air, so swift and so shrill that every hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Wide-eyed, he froze where he stood, muscles locked. His insides somersaulted like he had suddenly fallen from some lofty height. He whispered, "…Unohana-taichou…is that…?" Unohana's eyebrows upturned and creased. What poured from them then was nothing but sadness.

No words were needed in response. He knew instantly, even though such a voice could hardly be recognizable as human. It was undoubtedly Hinamori. There had never before been a time when Hitsugaya Toushirou, wielder of ice, was even once affected by the cold. But such blood as was in his veins chilled him to his very core at hearing such a grisly sound.

As he locked eyes with Unohana he could hear the commotion growing outside in the hallway. Fourth Division aides with raised voices were rushing between stations, doing all they could to placate the screaming girl and ease her suffering. Each scream tore at Hitsugaya's heart until he could bear it no longer.  
His lip curled and his teeth clenched for a split second.  
_Tch…chikusho!  
_He flew toward the door.

"Histugaya-taichou."

He paused with his back to her, furious and terrified at the same time.

"You must wait. There is still much to explain, as well as the other reason why I have asked you here tonight…and we must speak quickly. There is little time."

"I _have_ to go to her."  
The icy glow of his eyes was like blue fire in the darkened room. As he turned, he needed only that one glance for Unohana to understand and cancel any further objection. There would be _no_ persuading him otherwise.


	3. Demons Within

NO. I don't own Bleach. But oh, if I did…

NOTES: 'reiatsu' means spiritual power

Hehe. Don't hate me for this chapter please! Let me know what you think.

**Demons Within**

Unohana gave into his gaze but never looked away. She stared gently at him for a moment, then closed her eyes and nodded.  
As Hitsugaya turned to leave the Fourth Division office, it happened again. The initial sound was quiet and distant. He paused, trying to identify it against the noticeable silence of the office.  
_There it is again._ It was a gravelly rasp of a sound.  
What was that? _Again._ It was that voice again. _It couldn't possibly be coming from…_ He could discern words. A low moaning that quickly escalated into-  
Someone was screaming.

"….nnnuhh…no…don't, please…_iya_…aaa…aaaAAAAAAAAA_AAAIZEN TAICHOU_!"

A wave of panic rushed through him. _That voice again. It just can't be…it…It's not human.  
_Something splintered inside him. Through gritted teeth, seething in rage, he lost control. Wrenching the door open, he tore down the hallway to Hinamori's room. The attendants present merely glanced at him as they desperately tried to calm her, giving one injection after another. Hitsugaya gaped in horror at what he saw. Hinamori was there…_sure it was her_…but it wasn't. He couldn't watch, but he couldn't look away. The poor vice-captain lay screaming in terror and agony, thrashing violently on the bed, caught up in a never-ending nightmare…only it _wasn't_ a nightmare. To her, it was reality…a horrible repeating reality. Wasn't that what Unohana had said? Whether or not that was the case, it was all because of _that man_.

The anger cleared his head. He found himself again as her screams died down to moans. A sweat had broken out on her twisted face. Though her eyes were closed, he could feel her pain, but he could not take it away. He staggered slowly into the room. The flustered fourth division aides finished what more they could do for her and scurried out the door.

"Nooo…stop…nnnuhhh….Hitsugaya-kun……rr…RUN!…please…no…noooooo…"  
Still moaning, the poor girl cried.  
"I'm sorry! Come back...I'm sorry….I'm sorr..y….I..m….sor….ry…."  
Her voice trailed away with a whimper.

Hitsugaya almost tripped over himself as he rushed to her side and took her hand.  
"I'm here…_shhh_…I'm here. It's ok, Hinamori. None of that is real. _Open_ your eyes. I'm_ right here!_"

A dull ache began in his chest, and with every whimper that escaped her lips the pain intensified. He laid a gentle hand on her tear-stained cheek, looking for some sign that she could feel him there.  
"…Hinamori...?"  
Finding none, he looked desperately at Unohana who had followed him down the hall and was standing in the doorway. "Unohana-taichou, what can I do for her? How can I make this stop?"

"Right now, she is lost inside an illusion…suffering, reliving his horrors. If she gives into that despair, I'm afraid there will be no hope for her."

This was madness. _No hope? Isn't there anything we can do!_ His incredulous expression transformed into one of reckless despair.  
"But there has to be _something_ you can do!" He squeezed the poor girl's hand.

"Well…there isn't much more I can do for her…but you, Hitsugaya-taichou. I asked you here because you might…"

He jumped at this. _Something I can do? Please…let it be enough.  
_"What? _What_ can I do…please."

The Fourth Division captain wasted no time, "There exists a technique called 'soul binding' and it is used in situations like this where a mind is irretrievable or unable to awaken itself. 'Soul binding' is when two souls are joined as one for a brief period of time. However, this can only be accomplished between souls with a very strong emotional bond, which is why I don't think there is anyone but you who will be able to help her."

The small captain's face hardened in determination.  
"What do I have to do?"

"The success of this technique first depends on whether or not we can establish a connection between you. It is a difficult process, one which requires precision and skill in controlling reiatsu from both sides; I will have to work for Hinamori, and you will have to do your part.

"Once you are joined, the rest will depend on you. Her mind is imprisoned. It is up to you to find and free her. If you can do that before I must separate you again, she will have a chance. If not, and despair overwhelms her, she may be lost to us forever."

No reaction crossed his stony expression. There was no hint of apprehension or doubt.  
"I understand."

"I must warn you, Hitsugaya-taichou. This procedure has risks. It is dangerous to join souls for more than a certain amount of time. If you fail to awaken her mind and release it from its prison, and you are not separated in time, you could be trapped along with her, and there will be no hope for either of you. Because your souls will be as one, you will feel everything she feels, see everything she sees. You will be inside her world. That means there is also the possibility that you could become imprisoned in the illusion as she is."

He thought on this for a moment. It didn't matter what the risk was. He _had_ to do something. _Anything is better than watching this…the risk is sitting here and doing nothing! At least, if I have a chance to bring her back…that's…better than this.  
_"I have to try. There's no other way."

"There is…but I feel I should tell you, it may be the most dangerous of all. If you defeat Aizen Sousuke and destroy his zanpakutou, the illusion will be broken. However, the time needed to locate his whereabouts and form a strategy to defeat him may be too great. Hinamori fuku-taichou may not have that time. I propose you consider the procedure I have suggested. I am certain that your relationship with her is strong enough to give you an advantage."

…No sooner had she finished speaking than the girl's eyes flashed open. Unohana started. Hitsugaya immediately noticed the distress on the usually calm face and followed her gaze to see for himself. It was indescribable, the fear that struck him, for at that moment he was seized by the eyes of a creature he could not recognize. He sat gaping, dumb, and unmoving…_unable_ to move.

The eyes which stared back at him never moved…never blinked. They were dead, but at the same time so terror- and grief-stricken one could hardly believe they once belonged to a shy yet bubbly and innocent girl.

_Her eyes… They were auburn, the same charming golden brown of chestnuts in autumn. They used to sparkle when she smiled, giving everything away… This isn't her. It can't be her._

The _breathing_ began. It came in short gasps from a tiny whisper, gradually getting sharper. The eyes rolled slowly up, up…until there was only white, the bloodshot more pronounced. They finally fluttered closed as her expression constricted and her mouth opened in a silent cry. The poor girl's head jerked once as she uttered something unintelligible.  
Then…she started _screaming._

Her chest heaved as words flew from her mouth. Her breath came in deep gulps. If there was ever any question as to what sort of scenes played in her mind, she now made the entire division headquarters aware of it. She pulled her hair and curled into a ball on the bed, weeping. After a moment of silence, Hitsugaya risked a hand on her forehead. He brushed away the matted hair, hoping to calm her down. She recoiled and screamed in protest. Her hands clawed at her temples in what appeared to be an attempt to extract the haunting images from her head.

_My god…What the HELL is going ON!_ Hitsugaya hesitated only a second before interfering.  
"She's really going to hurt herself!"  
He pried her claws away. She didn't thrash about, but resisted as best she could against his strong grip. He couldn't look at her face. It wasn't her, and he knew she couldn't have known what she was doing. Her eyes were closed – well…almost. Flashes of white could still be seen underneath the flutter of her lashes.

Such screaming…garbled words and _that name_ over and over again in such an unnatural voice, pushed Hitsugaya to the edge of sanity. He forced himself to look at her face, to try to remind himself that it really was her. It wasn't easy. _How can this be happening…  
_The aides rushed into the room at the sound of all the commotion and on Unohana's orders, the girl was strapped into restraints.

"I am sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou. She has never done anything like this before now." This was the first time he had ever seen the Fourth Division captain so disturbed by anything.

He looked once more into the face of the unknown creature. She was still crying, moaning nonsense now.  
_This has to stop. Now.  
__There's no time to track down that bastard who did this to you. But I swear someday I'll make him pay for this…  
_The pain of regret and frustration mixed with his anger and stung his weary eyes.  
_I swore to keep you safe. If there's a chance I could possibly take away your pain, or even absorb some of it myself…  
__No matter the risk…  
__I have to try. It's the only way._

_So be it._ "Unohana-taichou…please make whatever preparations you need at once. I will bring her back tonight…at any cost."  
His eyes still surveyed the anguished face. Her features gradually relaxed, and she was at peace once again. Hitsugaya's resolve had never burned as brightly as it did at that moment. He softly brushed the hair out of her face and the Hinamori he used to know emerged once again.

_Hinamori…I'm coming…_


	4. to Endure

NO. I don't own--aww...DON'T make me say it again...

NOTES:

Each division of the Gotei 13 is broken down into ranks. The captain (taichou) is the highest in the division, and also known as 1st seat. The vice-captain (fuku-taichou) is the 2nd seat. In addiction to captain and vice-captain, seats 3 through 5 are senior officer ranks. Seats 6 through 20 can be considered junior officers, with 20th seat being the lowest rank. Below the officers are the unseated shinigami who do not hold any rank.

shoji are sideways-sliding doors usually found in traditional Japanese houses  
tatami are straw mats used as flooring in traditional Japanese homes  
seiza is a formal way of sitting: on the knees, sitting back on the heels with the tops of the feet on the floor

**…****to Endure**

This was the busiest night the Fourth Division intensive care unit had had since Aizen's escape from Soul Society. Division captain Unohana worked tirelessly, pouring over research in book after book. She had all 4 senior officers, from her vice-captain Isane down to 5th seat, in the library pulling more books and relaying them to her in shifts. Next to her, they were the most knowledgeable in what information she would need. Officers holding seats 6 through 15 were charged with prepping the Omega Room, used only for high risk operations. Monitoring equipment was needed in order to supervise the patients' brain activity. Countless cords and wires needed to be plugged in to the correct ports, circuits need to be connected and power cells charged; everything required the utmost precision and proficiency. It was tiresome work, but these officers were the lowest qualified rank who could be spared to do it. The remaining 5 junior officers, seats 16 through 20, were instructed to care for Hinamori, who continued to scream throughout the night after Hitsugaya returned to his division for his own preparation.

* * *

Light from the flickering candles danced behind the paper on the shoji door. Matsumoto Rangiku stood in the shadows of the dark, narrow hallway, watching the door and waiting. Her captain needed his time alone. According to him when he returned an hour ago, Unohana's instructions were absolute.

"_Please return to your division, Hitsugaya-taichou. If we begin preparations at once, we can be ready in five hours."_  
"_I can help you."_  
"_No. You have your own preparation. A mind must be clear of all questions and doubt before it enters another or it will only hinder progress. Please return to your quarters, meditate on the task ahead, and clear your mind. We will be ready an hour past midnight."_

Rangiku knew she couldn't intrude on his meditation. It was too important. But her heart cried out for her captain's pain. She wanted to comfort him, to be there for him. She silently slid the shoji open a crack and gazed in awe at the young man she saw. The tatami room was bathed in the soft yellow glow of candlelight. He sat in seiza with his back to the door, facing a simple scroll hanging on the wall in the alcove. He had shed his traditional shinigami uniform and adorned a stunning ebony layrobe with hints of a pure white kimono underneath. The rich black, without the white captain's cloak he usually wore, contrasted his beautiful snowy hair. The look was very becoming. Had she not known his age, she would never have guessed this young man was 150 years her junior.

She could not see his face, but the silence and stillness that surrounded him told her he was at peace. The wide sleeves of the robe draped out from his sides onto the floor as he sat in contemplation. First he would reflect on the method of the procedure, then on the strength of his connection with Hinamori. Finally he would clear his mind of all thoughts and take the final step in preparation for what was to come. That's what he had said. He wasn't to be bothered for the entire four hours.

_Four whole hours._ She slid the shoji closed again and sighed. _Poor taichou. He knows what might happen._ She was scared for him, but deep down she had hope. Unlike most people, she knew his true strength. He was a fighter. He would never stop, never rest, until that which he cherished was safe. On the outside he was a cocky boy with an attitude most regarded as immature, but on the inside he was so much more. Always trying harder, always reaching further, he never settled for 'good enough.' Hitsugaya Toushirou was a perfectionist when it came to his own effort. Always follow through. Always be better than you are now…not just the best you can be. You can always be better. He was _never_ good enough. Maybe that's why he excelled through the academy so quickly. From the beginning he strove to be better…_better_…

_Taichou…_

* * *

_  
Hinamori…_

Histugaya sat, eyes straight ahead, staring at nothing. His face showed no sign of stress, but the thoughts clouding his mind swam in chaos. Two and a half hours had passed. He had been over and over the steps.

_Establish a connection…concentrate my reiatsu and focus on her. Focus on the memory that brought us closest together. Her mind is in a weakened state but she can still reject me. I need the strongest memory that connects us in order to give me the best chance of binding my lifeforce to hers. Give her as little reason as possible to resist me. _Make_ her recognize me. No matter what the illusion shows her…if I reveal that memory, surround her with my reiatsu, she should still know it's me. And if I'm lucky, given what she's been seeing lately, she'll run to me…to what she knows is safe…  
Once I'm inside…I've got to find her. She'll run from the pain. I'll have to act quickly. Draw her to me. But I must not trust anything I see. _Feel_ to find her, but be wary because feelings are illusion too.  
When I've found her…Guide her out. She must be convinced that what she sees is an illusion. If she cannot _believe_, she cannot break free…_

He poured over all he knew about dispelling illusory techniques, but his knowledge on this matter was vague. All he could hope for was that he retained the presence of mind to act quickly and make use of the knowledge he had. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he couldn't get through to her. He _wouldn't_ think on it. He focused on the scroll in front of him. _I won't fail._ He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly to calm his nerves. His breathing relaxed to an even slower pace as his mind probed, searching for a memory…

* * *

Rangiku knotted her fingers as she waited and watched the door.Luckily she hadn't had to stop anyone. She didn't want to speak, even in the hallway, for fear of disturbing her captain. These were his private rooms to which he sometimes retreated at the end of long days. No one was allowed in the captain's quarters, but she watched the corridor just in case. _It's almost time. Taichou, I hope you know what you're doing._ She was nervous. Of course she wanted Hinamori-chan back, but her captain was taking a great risk by going after her. 'Soul binding' was a very dangerous procedure. It had only been performed a handful of times- only once since she could remember, and that time was…

_She was in her second year at the academy when her class was scheduled to observe a soul binding to enhance their knowledge of the demon arts. Class 2B had quietly filed into the Omega Room observation platform twenty feet above the floor. The room was large and circular, white walls climbing up and up. It had a very empty feeling, but that was necessary. No distractions.  
None of the students dared utter a sound even behind the double-plated glass. They were instructed well beforehand how absolute silence was necessary for the medics to work efficiently, especially during the initial binding process. They stood and watched for three hours. Many were getting bored, whispering that there was nothing to watch. "They're just lying there…They're not doing anything…" All that could be said for progress or lack thereof was the symphony of chirrups and beeps made by the equipment once both patients were under._

_Suddenly a strange sound split the silence. It was coming from one of the men strapped to the table down below. A strangled voice escaped his lips, sputtered, cracked and escalated into a piercing scream. Rangiku reflexively covered her ears. She hated it when men screamed… It was the most agonizing sound in the world to her. It scared her. She stared, horrified at the man beginning to thrash on the table. The whispering around her intensified, "What's going on?" "What happened?" "Didn't it work?" Chaos seemed to take control for a few moments before their professor quieted them as best he could and explained. "Sometimes when a mind cannot be extracted in time, the two minds can be lost in the host for good. Unfortunately, in this case, due to the presence of another consciousness he couldn't recognize, the host went insane. After a certain amount of time spent in another's subconscious, a mind becomes irretrievable. The body cannot live without the mind, so clearly, if the mind is not extracted in time, the body will expire without it. That is what makes this such a dangerous technique…for both people involved."_

A terrible foreboding stirred in her chest, a tightness that only intensified as she feared for her captain's safety. _The time limit…_ She laid her hand to her pounding heart and took a deep breath to try to calm herself.

The sudden sound and movement in the shadowy hallway startled her. Hitsugaya emerged from the candlelit room and paused as he saw her there. No surprise leapt across his face; he stared at her only for a moment before turning away and continuing at a slow pace down the darkened hallway. She faltered as he left. She was used to his scrutinizing gaze, but those eyes _penetrated her_. They were so solemn…but piercing, as if seeing right through her. She began to follow when she remembered the candles. She shifted those disconcerting eyes to the back of her mind momentarily and hesitated on the threshold of the tatami room. Rangiku had never entered this room before. She had always considered it forbidden. It belonged to her captain and he alone used it. …_well…I can just put out the candles…_ As she tiptoed inside, the scroll in the alcove caught her attention.

"…nin…_shinobi_…" she mused. It was the character used in 'ninjutsu,' but it also had another meaning.  
"To endure…" she said aloud. "Taichou…" She snuffed the candles between her thumb and forefinger and stole away into the darkness to follow her captain.

She caught up with him as he was about to leave for Fourth Division. She didn't say anything, not wanting to disturb his peace of mind and fell in step, one pace behind. He stopped. She did the same and waited for his permission to follow. _I'm going with you Taichou, whether you like it or not_. Is what she wanted to say. She hoped that her actions spoke enough for her. When he resumed his pace again she followed suit, much relieved. It was alright with him. She could come too.

If she only she knew the relief he felt wash over him at her approaching footsteps. He wasn't alone.  
_Thank you, Matsumoto…for now. But soon…the time will come when you can't follow me. Nor would I allow it, even if you could…_

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,_  
_

OK! Fourth chapter done! More was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I didn't want to make it too long. But I ended up writing so much that I decided to split my original "4th chapter" into two parts. Chapter 5 will be coming soon as it is almost finished.

Aside from that, thank you to everyone who reviewed! I appreciate your comments! Constructive criticism is welcome! Review please!


	5. Finding You

NOTES:

Kidou are the demon arts shinigami use in addition to physical attacks and zanpakutou (soul slayer) abilities. 

If you've read the manga or seen the anime, you'll know that Shikai is the initial release of a zanpakutou, or soul slayer. Bankai is the final release. In Bankai form, it's power increases ten fold. Generally only the captain class have enough skill and experience to possess Bankai.

**Finding You**

The Fourth Division headquarters loomed in the darkness ahead. At the distant rumble she assumed was thunder, Rangiku couldn't help but look at the sky. Menacing storm clouds tumbled their way across the even blacker expanse of nothingness above. _Heh…releasing the chaos from your mind and giving it to the sky, huh Taichou. That's so like you…_

When they reached the gates one of the meek, undistinguished Fourth Division recruits was standing to greet them. Upon seeing the two sober faces slowly approach, he looked at the ground and kicked his feet. Maybe he was nervous too.  
He shrunk back. "This way please…" He led them through the front hall and into Unohana's office.

"Come." Her gentle voice was muffled by the closed door. They entered, and after an overly polite bow, the jumpy recruit scuttled from the room. "Are you ready, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

The young captain nodded gravely, his hardened expression never changing. Rangiku glanced down at his face, remembering the penetrating gaze that troubled her earlier. His eyes were cold. Dead. There was no glint of that cheeky mischievousness in them now. Now that she thought about it, there hadn't been for awhile. She never fully realized how much light had left them since Hinamori slept. All of a sudden it hit her. She knew what was different. Over the past year something about him _had_ changed.

Since becoming Captain of the 10th division, he had many responsibilities. However, the young man who stood next to her was someone who took on the weight of something immense. She had noticed the change in his eyes from the beginning, but she never completely realized the weight of the matter.  
He lived for the sake of another – _only_ one other.  
Such an undertaking ages a person. You can no longer only be strong for yourself, but by taking on another's burdens, their pain – their sorrow, you therefore contend to be their strength as well.

Rangiku still didn't know the whole truth: that this had been the case her captain's whole life. Ever since he began his life in that little old shack with the woman he called "granny" and the girl who wet the bed. Ever since she went off to the academy to become a shinigami- to follow after _that man_. Ever since he became old enough and didn't need her to take care of him. He swore that one day he'd be the one to take care of _her_. _He_ would be the one protecting_ her_. So he trained. With such a natural talent and enormous spiritual power for someone his size—and age—he entered the academy and excelled far beyond his classmates, finally taking the rank of Captain. He wouldn't be Shirou-chan any longer. He was Hitsugaya-taichou. He finally had the power to protect her.

…but he had failed…

He was two minutes too late. Rangiku had guessed how haunted he was by his failure outside Room 46, for she had her own demons to come to terms with. What she didn't know was the second oath he had made that day upon finding Hinamori crumpled and bleeding to death on the floor. He swore at that moment that his own life was worth absolutely nothing if he couldn't protect that girl. His failure at doing the one thing he worked for more than a century to be able to do had shattered him. Though he survived the injury he received from Aizen, a large piece of him died that day. The light in his soul that was connected to _her _was smothered and snuffed out the moment she didn't wake up. And he knew it was his fault.

All this, reflected now in those lifeless eyes. He had changed. There was no question about that. But those eyes were what disturbed her most of all…

"Shall we begin?" Unohana continued gently. "Preparations are complete." She observed another nod from the smaller captain and said, "Very well. Come with me."  
They exited the office, and she led them down the hall, through a maze of corridors, and finally down a descending spiral of polished stone steps. Rangiku's heart skipped a beat as she recognized the path they were taking. She had known where they were going, but these stairs brought the memories of that day rushing back.

As they rounded the corner at the bottom, she fought the urge to turn and run when she saw those steel reinforced doors towering above her. She hated that room. She didn't want to go in. But the desire to be strong for her captain overpowered her anxiety.

The hinges groaned as the heavy doors swung slowly open. Hitsugaya turned to her, and for the first time she saw a hint of that light flit back into his eyes as he said, "Matsumoto…thank you." She knew he genuinely meant it. He had never looked at her that way before. She smiled back. "I've left instructions back at division headquarters. There's a stack of paperwo…"

"I'm sorry, Taichou," she interrupted. "I'm staying here. You can write me up if you wish, but I'd prefer to stay with you for this."

Hitsugaya was taken aback for a second. Then to his vice-captain's surprise, he smiled, closed his eyes and sighed. "As you wish."

They entered the Omega room. It was as if Rangiku was back in class 2B. Nothing had changed. The walls were just as stark white as they were when she first stepped through those doors. Hitsugaya didn't bother looking around. His focus was right in front of them. Hinamori. She was strapped to an operating table toward the center of the round room. She looked as if she had just calmed down from another fit. Her face was still wet with tears. Unohana turned to face Hitsugaya, a grave expression on her face.  
"Hinamori fuku-taichou's episodes are becoming more frequent. I'm afraid time is working against us. I can allow you at most only three hours. It would be unwise to remain connected to her any longer than that."

"I understand."

She continued. "She is in a weakened state now. I should be able to control some of her reiatsu during the binding spell and help lower her resistance to you. Anyway, we must get started. Every moment we waste she is retreating further and further into herself. Let us begin."

Hitsugaya cast off the heavy black layrobe finally revealing the pure white kimono he wore underneath. It was beautiful but simple. White on white, he almost disappeared into the colorless room. Fourth Division junior officers strapped him in as he laid down on the neighboring table. They carefully placed the electrodes on his head and chest to measure his brain waves and heart rate. He looked to his right at Hinamori and took her hand. _Hold on…I'm coming._

Unohana nodded to her vice-captain Isane who cast a barrier around the room. Rangiku stood to the side and glanced up at the observation platform high above. She silently prayed that it would be quick, and her captain would come back safely.  
With everything in place, emergency staff standing-by around the perimeter of the room, Unohana moved to the head of Hinamori's table, crossed her palms an inch above the girl's face and began her recitation. "Northern Star, Southern Cross. Shining Sun, Blackened Earth. Reveal the shadowed path…"  
Histugaya closed his eyes and concentrated, focusing his spiritual energy toward the girl beside him.  
The Fourth Division captain lowered her hands, palms inward on either side of Hinamori's head. "Binding spell: 112. Spirit Gate unites the flowing Heart."

He focused. He tried with all his might to direct his reiatsu and thoughts toward that one memory. He had to appeal to her. _Remember, Hinamori. You _know_ me. It's-_  
He could feel something. Moving through the depths of his mind…waves of feeling, gradually getting stronger. _What's _is_ that?_ It happened again. It felt like…pain. Waves of pain. Her pain…rushing through him. Pushing him back, further and further away. _It hurts… Hinamori, no… It's me!_

The monitors and equipment clicked and beeped faster and faster…the tension in the room intensified along with the buzzing of the machines. The cacophony rose to an earsplitting level. Suddenly, a flash of light blinded all the shinigami in the Omega Room. Hitsugaya screamed as he was hurled back into consciousness. Rangiku and the other shinigami were pushed toward the wall, shielding their faces with their arms. As the flare dissipated and the machines quieted, Rangiku hurried over to her captain's side. "Taichou…!"

Hinamori had released a kidou blast while unconscious. Rangiku quickly unstrapped Hitsugaya's restraints. He sat bolt upright on the table, a hand clutched to his chest. She had rejected him. What now? _I failed again._  
A moment of silence passed. "Hitsugaya-taichou." Unohana's voice was kind. "Perhaps you wouldn't mind some assistance. Matsumoto fuku-taichou…"

"Yes ma'am." Rangiku disappeared up the steps toward the observation platform and immediately returned with a startled Renji and Kira.

Hitsugaya was shocked. "What are you two doing here?"

"They have come in support of your efforts, Hitsugaya-taichou. These two care very deeply for Hinamori," she added as she searched his face for approval. He nodded. She turned to the two new arrivals. "Renji fuku-taichou. Kira fuku-taichou. You asked me if there was anything you could do to help. Now there is. She turned toward Rangiku as well. I would like the three of you to help me calm her spirit. Surrounded by the energies of those who love her, her resistance may break down long enough for Hitsugaya-taicho to connect with her. But I warn you. Everyone must be focused. A single wandering thought could cause an even bigger disaster."

The three vice-captains took position around Hinamori's table. Unohana stayed at the head. Rangiku at the foot. And both Renji and Kira stood on the right, with Hitsugaya strapped on the table to the left. The barrier around the room was up again, and Unohana began her recitation once more, "Northern Star…"

Hitsugaya immediately closed his eyes and cleared his mind. _It has to work this time. Hinamori…I _will_ save you. I swear it._ He focused again on the memory. The three surrounding vice-captains concentrated their energies. Hinamori's reiatsu gradually calmed. Unohana's voice sounded distant. The Tenth Division captain took the girl's hand and held it tightly as he sank deeper, further away from consciousness…

* * *

He was falling. Tumbling through space. A never-ending vortex of nothing. All he saw was infinite Black. All he heard was Darkness. Panic slowly started to grow in his chest. "Hinamori!" As soon as he shouted her name, the panic turned to a dull ache. He couldn't explain it. It crept out of the darkness and took hold of him like a hand squeezing his heart. He began to feel something resembling ground materialize beneath his feet. Walls slowly faded into view, huge tall tower-like pillars became visible through the hazy black. It was the residential area of Room 46. The last place he had seen- 

_Someone's screaming…_

It echoed through the huge space, a far-away sound. But he could feel the painful reverberations in his chest. Images of figures flashed before his eyes. Ahead to his right…it was _him_. Aizen was standing in the doorway. _Flash_. Hinamori was there. _Flash_. Aizen standing over her, drenched in her blood. _Flash_. He watched himself appear on the left. _Flash_. Bankai. _Flash_. Charging Aizen. _Flash_. _Flash._ Indescribable pain flooded his body as he watched himself fall to the floor, half frozen in a pool of blood. Another scream pierced the thin air, louder, closer. Everything faded to black. Only the pain remained.

He could hear her somewhere in the darkness…she was crying.


	6. Blood and Rage

No. Bleach is not mine.

**Blood and Rage**

When Hitsugaya came to he was lying face down on the ground…if you could call it ground. All was black. He couldn't see anything, but somehow he knew he was awake.Instinctively he put his hand to his right shoulder and rubbed. There was so much pain. What happened? He glanced at his unblemished, slender fingers, turning his hand over. No blood…but the pain remained. He wasn't dead. He wasn't even wounded. _What the hell is going on? What am I doing in this place?_ The surrounding darkness felt claustrophobic as he sat, unmoving, trying to comprehend. If he could just _see_ something-- look around, gain his bearings…he'd be OK. But…how did he _get_ here?  
"Hitsugaya…kun…"

That voice. Like a dream, it sounded so familiar. It belonged to someone important…but who?  
_Hinamori!_ Suddenly he remembered. The scenes before he had blacked out flashed through his mind. His heart pounded in his chest as he realized that he had almost forgotten…and that the pain, like before, was _hers_. He had to find her. Frantic, Hitsugaya jumped up and ran toward the decaying echo. _It came from over here…_ He slowed to a stop, and a quiet whimper penetrated the stillness that hung in the air. _No…over_ _there…_ "Hinamori!" He called for her, but he received no answer from the encompassing darkness.

Minutes passed. There was nothing but silence.  
Then a hesitant whisper broke the stillness. "…A…Aizen…taichou…?"

The small captain stopped in his tracks. Something was happening…he could feel it coming. Like electricity in the air before a terrible storm. The hair on his arms and neck stood straight up as the image materialized a short distance in front of him. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her. Hinamori, dressed in her black shinigami uniform, about 50 meters away. Her left forefinger was pressed timidly to her lips, and her other hand rose to join it in disbelief. Hitsugaya could see the glint of tears welling in her eyes. Despite the surrounding blackness, he could see her clearly. She sobbed, the sound hollow and contrasting the otherwise heavy silence. "Hinamori…?" he whispered, and reached out a hand to test whether or not she was real.

She started forward toward him. Hitsugaya's heart leapt from his chest as he held his arms out to receive her. Finding her meant that there was a chance that they would make it out.They could finally leave these shadows behind. Hinamori reached him but passed right through like he was some phantom. Hitsugaya could feel her as they collided, wrenching his gut from him and taking his breath away with it. Did _she_ go through _him_ or he through her? He couldn't tell. Was it really her? The shock was painted plainly on his face as his mind tried to grasp what had just happened. He knew it wasn't possible, and yet it felt very real. He turned, expecting to find only nothingness, and choked.

Directly behind him stood the tall, looming figure of Aizen…with Hinamori wrapped in his arms…_smiling._ She was running to _him_! Wasn't she _aware_ of what he did to her! Unohana had said she was. Maybe she didn't see him. Maybe…but the constant ache that was deep in his chest began to dissipate. Her pain. It was always Aizen with whom Hinamori felt the safest. She would always run to him late at night when her mind was plagued with worry and doubt. Aizen had always been her refuge from those thoughts. And apparently…he still was.

A large hand combed its way through her dark hair and she nuzzled closer to the tall captain's chest. Hitsugaya's knees hit the ground. He merely stared. How could she? After all he put her through? Aizen's smile widened. It was so unsettling. He put on those glasses and became just like everyone else. He had played the game, blended in, fooled everyone. But Hitsugaya knew the real monster behind the mask. An unimaginable power hidden with a smile.

Alone again, the white-haired captain hung his head, crushed.  
"…Aizen-taichou," he heard her whisper lovingly to the man who held her.  
Those words tore at his heart. How could she not see him? He was right there, her childhood friend. He had always been waiting in the shadows. And she never noticed. It was only Aizen. It's _still_ only Aizen. Hitsugaya slowly lifted his head and forced himself to look at them again. It had to be another illusion…but the pain was so real…as was the anger that boiled inside.

Aizen's smile grew wider still as he pulled her closer. "Forgive me, Hinamori-kun, for making you worry so." No sooner had he finished speaking, than a sputtering choke echoed and disappeared into the nothingness around them. Hitsugaya's heart stopped in his chest; he couldn't see what happened, but he knew that the sound came from her. Her hands, which had once rested peacefully against her captain's chest, splayed and suddenly grasped his robes in an effort to brace her body as her knees buckled. Hitsugaya was frozen to the spot. He knew what was coming but…he couldn't move. He wanted to run to her, to stopthis madness; to shout to her to wake up, but his voice wouldn't work. Hitsugaya _tried_ to get up, but it was as if some unseen force was holding him to the spot…laughing at him…whispering, "_Allow me to show you what you missed that day_."

_NO!_ He gaped as she hunched slightly. Then the grisly truth hit him in the face as the cloth that was stretched across her back bulged, and the tip of a sword forced its way out between her shoulder blades. The pain…_her pain_ flooded through him, and he could do _nothing_ to stop it. He watched in horror as the blade disappeared inside her, and emerged again through her other shoulder as she choked. He saw the sword burst from her back as if in slow motion, scattering droplets of her warm blood like rain upon his skin. _The rain…The rain hasn't stopped._ He flinched as it showered his cheek. Again. _Again_. He could hear Aizen laughing…that calm, hushed chuckle which Hitsugaya had come to despise. His world came crashing down as he was forced to watch Aizen's blade, steeped in her blood, penetrate her body over and over again without resistance. Inside his mind he could hear himself screaming her name, when all of a sudden…"HINAMORI!"…his voice had returned.

The sword stopped. Aizen's slippery smile greased its way across his face. He clutched Hinamori's limp body by her collar in one hand and held it out to the kneeling captain in front of him. Her head lolled toward Hitsugaya and the look on her face hit him straight in the gut, leaving him nauseous and out of breath. Speckled with blood, her face stretched in a silent scream, but only air escaped her lips—no, through the holes in her chest where Suigetsu had penetrated her lungs. Her eyes, first wide and filled with the shock of betrayal, slowly rolled to the back of her head as the lids slid halfway shut. The rest of her features gradually relaxed. The she was still.

Despair enveloped him as Hitsugaya lost control and his emotions spiraled downward. He looked at her lifeless face and the rivulets of blood trickling from her open mouth, and slowly put a finger to his own cheek. What he felt there turned this whole nightmare into a harsh reality. Red…blood. Both his hands flew to his face. He felt the warm, wet substance already beginning to clot, and panic rushed through him. He slid his palms upward in horror, smearing the thick fluid across his face. For just a moment he was grateful for the relief the darkness gave as his hands passed over his eyes and shielded him from her face. Up, up, _her blood_ stained his skin. He looked at his hands, now caked in it. Then…he _laughed_; Histugaya never laughed. That sound was foreign to his lips, but this…an eerie, high-pitched giggle, was even more unbefitting. His trembling fingers seized clusters of his snowy white hair. He was no longer the calm, composed captain others thought him to be. His voice cracked. Half laughing, half sobbing he doubled over, and pulled at his hair, hoping to wrench his mind back to reality. His once beautiful and pure white hair was now streaked in dark red, and his face now savagely covered with it.

He opened his eyes, and finding himself still there, still in pain, still gazing at the sickening expression on the dead girl's face, he threw his head back and screamed, a horrifying, gut-wrenching screech that paralleled his grotesque appearance. Hitsugaya let himself go for what felt like minutes when finally, out of breath, he lurched forward onto his hands gasping for air. He looked up just in time to see Aizen release Hinamori's collar. Her limp body crumpled as it fell to the ground in a heap. With nothing left to lose, Hitsugaya had nothing left to feel but anger.

"Finally acting your age, eh? Hitsugaya-_taichou_? Crawling on the floor where you belong." Aizen sounded amused. Hitsugaya rose up on his knees to face the sadistic betrayer. As before, the escalating rage cleared his mind. He slowly began to get a hold of himself. As Aizen laughed, Hitsugaya realized for the first time that his white kimono was gone. Replacing it was his shinigami uniform, captain's cloak, and Hyourinmaru slung on his back. As he looked around, he noticed that the pillar-like, four-sided towers of the underground chamber outside Room 46 had already appeared…

A tinge of déjà vu tickled his skin as he recognized the scene about to play out. Hinamori lay at their feet in a pool of blood that was slowly seeping into the rest of her uniform, turning it a more sinister black than before. Hitsugaya squatted on one knee, shaking with rage. Aizen stood looking down at him with that oily smile. They both stared at each other. Minutes passed by heedlessly, until Aizen broke his intense gaze and strode forward. The crunching sound that followed echoed in the wide space. Hitsugaya's eyes were immediately drawn down to the floor. Aizen's left foot rested heavily on Hinamori's fingers as she lay there, already broken. He paused only a moment before lifting his weight and kicking her body out of the way like a rag doll. It made a sickening thud as it sprawled across the floor five meters away.

Hitsugaya's mind went blank. Rage was the only thing alive in him now. His eyes widened and the ice crystals that once dwelled there shattered, revealing a cold blue flame that glowed brightly in the dimness. His right hand grasped Hyourinmaru from over his shoulder as the chill spread through his veins, not calming him this time, but fueling his rage with adrenaline. As he unsheathed the ice zanpakutou, white light flashed and a freezing steam-like fog erupted from the sword's sheath and billowed past Aizen who seemed unaffected by it. Hitsugaya growled the words that had been longing to fall from his lips. "Ban…kai!"

Ice began to spread from the sword's handguard. It enveloped Hitsugaya, freezing his torso and shoulders in serrated spikes, growing further still to form two huge jagged wings and a long serpentine tail. It crawled across the ground freezing the whole hall into dark crystal. His right hand, now a claw of ice, gripped Hyourinmaru tightly. The four-pointed handguard had grown to an eight-pointed star. "Daiguren Hyourinmaru!" At those words, an explosion shook the chamber causing Aizen to change position in order to dodge the growing fissure in the floor.  
"Aizen…I'm going to kill you."

Aizen smiled. "Don't use such strong words. It makes you look weak," he chuckled. Hitsugaya recognized this scene. He had relived it in his dreams during his recovery from this very incident. He knew he shouldn't continue. He would only be playing into Aizen's hands if he did. But somehow Hitsugaya couldn't stop himself. It was fight or flight, and he knew he couldn't run. He wouldn't run. Maybe…just _maybe_ he could win this time. Pay Aizen back for all the pain and mental anguish he had caused Hinamori. After all…Hitsugaya had nothing left to lose.

He charged. He aimed Hyourinmaru for the strike when the thought hit him like lightning._ Even IF I could defeat Aizen here it means nothing!__This is an illusion! _He had let himself get carried away again.

That hesitation was just long enough. Aizen's counter was swift. Hitsugaya struck but Aizen was already gone. He had sliced right through the smaller captain's shoulder, shattering the ice that enveloped him. Hitsugaya glanced down at the deep, clean gash running diagonally from his right shoulder to his abdomen. He cursed himself for going too far and getting swept up in Aizen's illusion. Pain flooded his body…_his own_ pain this time. It radiated outward from his slashed torso, as did the blood that gushed freely from the open wound. It stained his white captain's cloak a dark crimson. His vision blurred and he fell to the floor. All was black again.

* * *

A timid voice woke him. Hitsugaya blinked. He was lying on his back in the grass and there was…blue sky above him? The clouds rolled slowly past. "Hitsugaya...kun?" He turned his head and saw… He gasped.

"Hinamori!" She was sitting on his left, staring down with tears in her eyes. She was alright? Unlike before, the images of the previous fight remained clear in his mind. Hinamori's wounds seemed to have disappeared as if nothing had happened. _Another illusion…?_ He remembered. God damnit. Was this what she was going through this whole time? Never-ending, just one horror after another! He gritted his teeth, angry thoughts turning toward Aizen and his sadistic game.

"Hitsugaya-kun…are you OK?" The desperation in Hinamori's voice brought him back.  
"I'm…fine." His mind searched for words, but before he knew it his mouth rushed off without him. "Hinamori, you've got to listen to me."  
Concern crossed her face. "What is it, Hitsugaya-kun?"  
Now was his chance. He tried to be as frank as possible. "This is just an illusion. Aizen _did_ something to you and now he's–"

His voice trailed away when he saw the changed expression on her face at the mention of her former captain's name. She slowly stood, backing away from him. "Hinamori…what…" He sat up and moved to follow her, pushing himself up with his hands. But the ground beneath them changed as he did so. The grass shrank away to reveal a polished, hardwood floor. White structures…_buildings_ rose up around them- one notably tall one at the end of the walkway upon which they now stood. Hitsugaya, kneeling now with his back to it, looked incredulously at the sudden fear in Hinamori's eyes and turned to follow her vision upward.

He saw a figure appear toward the top of the building. It was a shinigami captain…with glasses, who seemed to be glued onto the face of the white wall. Then a zanpakutou materialized in the middle of the man's chest apparently pinning him there. A crimson stain leaked through his uniform around the spot where the blade met his skin. The stain grew and began to smear down the wall from the exit wound on his back. The mass of blood rolled down the white wall in a straight, thick line getting thinner as it reached the bottom. Hitsugaya stared. _…Aizen…!_

The sky suddenly darkened and the menacing grey clouds began to swirl high above. Hitsugaya turned back to look at Hinamori, but fear gripped him when he saw the changed creature now standing before him, sword drawn. Hinamori's head was down, both hands gripping her sword in front of her, and the now darkened sky shadowed her face so that her eyes were not visible. "Hina…mori…?" Hitsugaya ventured, and reached out his hand to her. At this, her head snapped up, tears streaking her face. There was pain and anger in her eyes…_those _eyes… Suddenly Hitsugaya remembered…_that day_.

_He had sought out Ichimaru Gin that day thinking that he would be Hinamori's target after she broke out of her cell. He found Gin easily…but Hinamori had arrived shortly after, looking for her captain's killer. Hitsugaya had expected her to draw and attack Ichimaru. But what she had really intended was to accuse her childhood friend…of murder._

"YOU!" she screamed. Hitsugaya was surprised to find himself at the ready, sword already drawn. He didn't even remember standing up. Before he could speak any words to calm her, she lunged, and all he could do was watch in shock as Tobiume's point pushed itself deep into his chest. He dropped Hyourinmaru, pain returning…filling him. He reached with a shaking hand and gripped Tobiume's blade, the sharp edge cutting into his fingers. His blood ran down the sword and dripped off the handguard. Hinamori's eyes never changed. She held the sword, her gaze intense. Hitsugaya tried to speak but the words caught in his through and he only managed a sputtering choke before the blood that had been collecting in his penetrated lung gushed forth from his mouth.

She pushed harder. The blade cut his hand as it slid past. He felt the blade scrape against his bones, cracking his ribs and slicing through his insides. He coughed with the pain that seared his chest now. More blood poured from his mouth. He clenched his teeth and hissed as the tip of the sword found the solid bone of his shoulder blade and stopped there, grating against it. Her brow furrowed in frustration and anger, and Hinamori drove Tobiume further, forcing the sword in until the handguard dug into his chest. Hitsugaya cried out as the tip cleaved the solid bone and then burst through his back. He couldn't feel anything but pain. The pain of her blade…the pain of her distrust.

But…no…this _wasn't_ her. There had to be some way to get to her. Some way to find the _real _Hinamori and get away from these illusions. Aizen's trick was just toying with him. Somehow he was caught in his own nightmare. How much more time did he have? It couldn't be much. Whatever the case, he didn't have time to be wandering around anymore and wasting what time he _did_ have.

His grip tightened on Tobiume's blade as he pushed it out from his bleeding chest. He felt the sword cutting through everything again, but this time he closed the pain off in the back of his mind. He shoved the sword back and the force made Hinamori stumble backward a few steps. He paused to catch his breath. It was time to stop playing around.


	7. Come Back To Me

**Come Back To Me**

Hinamori blinked, taken by surprise. Still enraged, she looked at the monster in front of her and knew only one thing. Revenge. She didn't know why, but something inside told her that if she killed this thing everything would go back to the way it was. She would be free of the pain that haunted her dreams. Free. _Kill it._ She had paused only a moment after being thrown back, but her reflexes were quick. She regained her balance, aimed Tobiume and drove home, piercing her enemy on the other side of its chest. There would be no way it would be able to withstand a second attack to a vital organ.

The first strike had caught Hitsugaya off-guard. Now he was ready and could have dodged easily, but when she moved to strike again, realization hit him first. He suddenly understood, and he knew what he had to do. Hitsugaya didn't move. His breath stung as the sword pierced his lung, this time on the right side of his chest. In all his years as a capable fighter, he had never known greater physical pain, but he bit it back.

The second strike had only embedded the sword halfway through his body. Soon it too would pierce his other shoulder and break through his back. He could feel it…he had to stay conscious long enough. It was an illusion. It wasn't real. His mind was making it real, but it wasn't _reality_. If he could just stay awake long enough to… "Hina…mo…ri.." he managed, choking on the blood that collected in his lungs. His hand shook as he slowly used it to brush away an angry tear that had fallen down her cheek.

At the touch of his hand, the malicious expression on the girl's face changed. The scene around them faded to black again. Recognition slowly cracked her mask of pain and vengeance. Hinamori, gaped at the blood running from the newly opened wound and dripping from the sword in her hands. She started to shake. Horror struck her as she realized _who_ her supposed enemy _was_ and what she had just done. "What…?…no…" She choked back the tears already beginning to fall down her cheeks again. "Hitsu..gaya-kun…!" It couldn't be. Wasn't this the enemy? The one she was trying to _kill_? She jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Hinamori…come…back to me…"  
Then he embraced her. Pulling her closer, the whole length of the sword came with and dug further into him. The pain was excruciating, but he held her closer still, slowly impaling himself on her sword. "Hinamori…it's _me_. Aizen is gone. He—" Hitsugaya didn't flinch until the blade tore out behind his other shoulder. He grunted as the tip broke free of the obstructing bone and the rest of the sword slid through him unhindered. Hinamori felt his body tighten around her. Her eyes widened, and she struggled to break free…to release the sword and herself from his embrace. He held her tighter. When the sword had no more room to move, Hitsugaya gasped and leaned forward onto Hinamori who swayed under his growing weight.

Oh God, no. Hinamori held onto him and shifted his weight in her arms. This was all _wrong_. Hitsugaya wasn't supposed to be here. Her target was… well, she didn't actually know _who_ it was. In her nightmares he was always faceless. The man who haunted her thoughts and drove her to revenge…she didn't even know his name. She only knew that she was supposed to _kill_ him. She didn't even know _why_. But this? She was so confused. What was going on? She took advantage of Hitsugaya's loss of strength and broke free of his hold, slowly removing Tobiume from his breast. He cried out as the blade sliced through him again.

Hitsugaya staggered, catching his breath. The symmetrical wounds that traveled through his body were deep. Blood spilled from both his chest and back as he gasped for air. It _was_ an illusion. But this time she was _real_. Hitsugaya had thought that, ever since Aizen had addressed him directly and her pain was replaced by his own, he had been wandering in his own illusion- and so Hinamori must be off somewhere else in one of her own. When he had woken up and saw that Hinamori wasn't dead, but sitting by his side without a scratch, he had been convinced. But somehow, unlike the other time they had met in this "other world," he could _feel her_.

It had become apparent to him once she had moved to strike him again. Something inside her had flared. The emotion it projected didn't matter. He knew it was her. But they were together, here. Just as Aizen had manipulated them against each other before, he must be trying to do it again. Her reiatsu was weak, but it was there. It felt so familiar to him. There was no other spiritual energy he was more used to searching for at night. He would lie awake in his quarters, wondering if she'd ever come to him with another nightmare like she used to when they were children…when _he_ used to be the one to chase them all away.

His knees felt weak. They shook as he struggled to stay standing. Hinamori tried to hold him up, but his body was getting heavier as his muscles gave out one by one. She wasn't very strong and he was already sinking, so she eased him to the floor, his arm over her shoulder. "Hitsugaya-kun!" He was dying. She was sure of it…and it was all her fault. She didn't even know what had happened. "What are you doing here, Hitsugaya-kun…How…?" He released her shoulder but she kept him propped on his knees, for she feared that if she let him lay down he'd drown in his own blood. Hinamori untied the white sash around her waste and used it to dab at his mouth.

He clutched his right hand to his chest. "I'm here...to set…you free." His breath came in short gasps now. He had to take advantage before his consciousness gave out…while he still had her here. He had come upon her by chance. There was no guarantee that he would find her again within his short time limit if he let her go now.

"Set me free…?" She pressed the cloth to his chest in a poor effort to stop the bleeding.

"Hinamori…this isn't real. Your…mind is…trapped. Do you remember what happened the day you saw Aizen again?" This time, the sound of her captain's name triggered something, pain flashed across her face. She did remember. "He's done something to you…imprisoned your mind. Only _you_ can break free of it, and I'm here to help you do it." Hitsugaya's body was going numb, but that also dulled the pain. He talked freely.

"Hitsugaya-kun…what…?"

"Just listen, please. It's been almost a year since Aizen hurt you. All this time you've been sleeping. His zanpakutou created this world inside your mind and you've been trapped in it all this time."

Hinamori felt a wave of panic rush through her. She had thought something was wrong, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She had felt that there was something more to the things that were happening around her. Up until now, she had been following the voices in her head, having nowhere else to turn to. "But…if this isn't real…then how can I be sure that you're really—"

"Because you _know_ me," Hitsugaya firmly interrupted. "Hinamori, wake up!" His vision was starting to darken, but at the same time the blackness around the two of them was starting to lift. His time was almost up! He could see the doubt on her face…the confusion. He had to do something, and fast, or this whole endeavor would be for naught.

Hinamori started to inch away. This was just a nightmare. There's no way the real Hitsugaya would have let her get those attacks in. He was too clever and too experienced to make that kind of mistake. She wanted to run. Before she could stand he grabbed her wrist with his left hand. "Hinamori…no. _Think_. Deep down you know what I'm saying is true. You weren't born with this spiritual talent for nothing. Trust it. You _can_ feel me here, can't you?" He could tell his words hit home. She sat and gawked for a second, shock on her face.

Hitsugaya's pain was returning. He could feel his consciousness slipping. Voices gradually became audible as the darkness lifted. He heard Renji yelling at Kira, and Unohana's firm voice as she politely instructed them to keep concentrating. No. He wasn't finished yet. Please, not yet. _Hinamori!_ She sat with that bewildered look upon her face staring far beyond what was right in front of her. But Hitsugaya still had one more card to play.

He could feel his body getting lighter as the voices from the Omega Room grew louder. His wounds were disappearing. He was still holding her hand but something was pulling him away. Just as their arms had reached their full length and they almost had to let go, he pulled her toward him. He whispered, "I love you, Momo," and their lips met.

Hinamori, too shocked at first to close her eyes, blinked twice and then sank into the depth of the kiss. She shivered as the waves of emotion swept over her. Her knees felt weak and she could feel her heart. It was pounding in her chest, every beat stealing more of her breath away. She could smell him. It was comforting. It was _strange_. All these things, these…feelings had been missing before and she had never noticed. At least, they had never felt so real. For those few moments, there was only him. Then everything flowed into her at once…

"_Hinamori-chan!" Granny called after her as Hinamori burst from the entryway of the little wooden shack she called home. "Do your best, ok?" She gave that warm-hearted smile that always comforted Hinamori. Whenever she felt unsure of herself or the neighborhood kids would pick on her, Granny was there to make it all better. _

_Hinamori smiled back and nodded her head. "I will!" She turned to the skinny, scraggly mess standing next to the old lady. "And I promise to come back and play with you whenever I can, ok, Shirou-chan?" She lovingly tousled his white hair, now grayed with the dust and dirt from playing too much outside._

_The boy scrunched his face in a disgruntled way and blurted, "Eh, who cares. You're goin' off to that goody two-shoes academy. You won't have that kinda time anymore, stupid." The urchin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Hinamori just giggled. Hitsugaya Toushirou was always like that. Always acting so tough when she knew that he really did care. She enjoyed teasing him because she already knew how he would react. She sighed in mock, playing with him. "Sure, sure. You're absolutely right, Shirou-chan. I might never get to come back. You know, once I become a full-fledged shinigami and all." She winked._

"_And I _told_ you not to call me that! Stupid bed-wetter Momo… Anyway, who cares if you don't come back. At least I'll get some sleep, instead of you always waking me up cos you wet the bed!" Hinamori looked scandalized. Toushirou only stuck out his tongue._

"_Anyway, Granny, thank you for everything! And Shirou-chan," she glared reprimandingly, still wounded by his last retort, "it's up to you to look after her now. Be nice, ok?" _

"_Whatever." Toushirou, being stubborn as always, looked away. Hinamori hugged the old lady and was on her way. Off to the academy where she would enter into a brand new world…one that he couldn't be a part of. He abandoned his tenacity only when she had almost faded into the crowd that had begun to form in the marketplace. She was really leaving this time. To a place where he couldn't follow her anymore. Toushirou's eyes trailed her through the crowd until she was completely out of sight. Granny had long since gone back inside. He decided he'd just sit on the porch for now…_

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _

_The first time Hinamori had come back to see him was two months into her shinigami training. He was sitting on the porch, his favorite spot in which to waste time during the day. "Shirou-chan!" she called as she ran to him. "You won't believe the academy! It's incredible!"_

"_Aeh? You're back?" Toushirou sat next to a rather sizeable mound of freshly cut watermelon slices, chomping away, only pausing to spit out the seeds._

"_Well, yes. But just listen! Everyone is so amazing! We got to see officers from the Gotei 13 today. I couldn't believe how _powerful_ they all were. _Especially_ the captains! Shirou-chan, have you ever seen a shinigami captain before?"_

_No answer amidst the munching. You know if she really wanted to come see him, she could at least ask how he was _doing_ or something._

"_Well _anyway_, there's this one captain we saw today. His name was Aizen. We all lined up in salute as he passed. It was a little nerve-racking, but goodness! He seems so strong and so kind. I hope that I can get into the Gotei 13 and enter Fifth Division. The other captains seem so much more intimidating. I think it'd be wonderful to serve under someone like Aizen-taichou! You know Shirou-chan…………….." Toushirou let her talk and stared out across the thornbushes lining the porch. Why'd she bother coming back if she was just going to shoot her mouth off and make him feel stupid._

_Stupid bed-wetter Momo…_

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _

_The second time Hinamori had visited her old home, Toushirou was on the porch again. She couldn't see what he was doing because he had is back to her, but she sensed something. Some kind of energy that kept getting stronger and stronger and then fading again. Before she had come within 50 meters of the shack, the energy had weakened considerably and Toushirou had turned back around to hang his feet off the porch as if everything was normal._

_Hinamori couldn't help but wonder that day…the energy, no…presence that she felt. Was that…reiatsu?_

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _

"_Shirou-chan! What are you doing here!" a bewildered Hinamori exclaimed in the corridor leading out of her Demon Arts class. She had noticed his snowy-white hair immediately._

"_What? Oh, Hinamori, it's just you. Hi." Toushirou had an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face. He was usually agitated or annoyed, but now he looked…serious. "…What…!" Ok, _now_ he looked annoyed._

"_Um…what _are_ you doing here?" Just one look at him should have made it obvious. He was dressed in school uniform with books under his arm. Could he possibly be here for shinigami training? That would mean he had to have… "Reiatsu…" she verbally finished her own thought._

"_Aeh?" Toushirou searched her face for some sign of acknowledgement. _

"_Oh…um…nevermind. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around then, huh!" She gave a cheerful wave and hurried off to her next class. Toushirou watched her back as she left. "Hinamori…" She still seemed so far away…_

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _

_Hinamori was knocked to the ground in the West Corridor, books and papers flying everywhere. Snickers followed her to the floor as some of the older academy students shuffled her things around with their feet. Hinamori had fallen hard and rubbed her elbow, bruises already forming on her knees. She hadn't made many friends at school yet. It had been over a year and she was still getting picked on for her good grades in the Demon Arts. She shifted onto her knees to begin collecting her things, when one of the bullies landed on the floor beside her. Her head shot up to see a flash of blue hakama and a head of white, spiky hair scuffling with the other boy who had pushed her. Two punches and he was down too. The white-haired boy stood over them, balled fists at his sides._  
"_Get lost." His voice was low and cold. "Now." The two bullies picked themselves up and stalked off, humiliation flushing their faces._

"_Sh…Shirou-chan…!" Hinamori, having gathered her things, stood up and looked down into the face of her childhood friend. "You…you know, you shouldn't do things like that, Shirou-chan. Granny always told you you shouldn't fight. You're going to get hurt."_

_Toushirou looked at her incredulously. He had gotten here, hadn't he? He had the talent. He had stood up for her. And yet, he was still only a child in her eyes. He watched her hurry away again, not even hearing her when she tossed a "See you" over her shoulder..._

_>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _

"_Oh my goodness, I finally found you! Shirou-chan!" Hinamori waved and rushed up to him as he walked by outside the square in the center of Seireitei. "Congratulations!" The ceremony had lasted nearly all afternoon and Hinamori had yet to get a chance to speak to him. "I can't believe it! You did it, Shirou-chan! You're a captain!" She hugged him._

"_Wha' the…H…Hey! C'mon. Get off! And you shouldn't call me that anymore, you know." He was exasperated and tired from the long ceremony, but he tried as hard as he could to keep the smirk off his face._

"_Yeah, I guess you're right! You are a captain now, huh." She tousled his hair._  
"_And _stop_ that, will ya!"_ _He scowled._  
"_Sorry, sorry, _Hitsugaya-kun_," she giggled. She was practically bubbling over with enthusiasm. He couldn't possibly reprimand her any more firmly. He sighed._

"_Well I guess that'll have to be good enough. Just don't forget, I'm your superior officer now…" Hitsugaya crossed his arms importantly in front of his chest, closing his eyes for effect. She giggled again, and he had to peek. Hinamori saluted and said in a mock serious voice, "Yessir!"_

"_Aggghh…_and quit that will you!_" She burst into giggles and followed him as he stalked off, further exclaiming how she really was happy for him and all…  
_

The memories faded. She became aware of herself again, of the unnoticed tears that had rolled down her cheeks. It was him. He was real. She felt him stronger than she ever had in her life. Warmth filled her heart with the feeling of security it gave her. Her eyes remained closed when the kiss was broken. The feeling of something caressing her cheek became lighter, then lifted completely. She forced herself to open her eyes. He was leaving. No, somehow they were being separated. He was getting further away. Hinamori reached out her hand to him.

"Hitsugaya-kun! Wait…don't go…I…I'm sorry!" He took her hand as some unseen force lifted him away from her. His eyes… She had never seen that look in his eyes before. The sight of it made her voice catch in the back of her throat and her eyes sting. She understood now. She understood so much that it hurt. She had never noticed. And now…was it too late?

"Hinamori…!" She could still hear his voice, though it was far away. "If you trust nothing else, trust this. Trust _us_. You can feel me, can't you? Follow your feelings. Follow _me_ now…_please_!" His voice faded as he disappeared. Hinamori reached as far as she could for him, but he was gone. She fell to her knees and cried. She cried, for she finally understood…the message he sent in his boundless kiss, and when he looked at her that way with those deep, blue-green eyes.

_I love you, Momo. I've always loved you. I kept my distance because you never acknowledged me. I was always just a kid to you. I always have and always will be there to take care of you. But what you don't know is that we could be so much more together. I don't want to be the kid you grew up with anymore. Somehow, if you'll let me, I'd like to be the one man you want to be with. The only one. Because in my world…there's only been one…you._

* * *

Hitsugaya woke up with a start. He was back. The high white walls of the Omega room were blurry at first and he blinked to clear his vision. The air felt warm inside his lungs. Immediately he began to struggle with the straps on the table. What had happened? Had she made it out? His restraints were released, and he frantically looked around the room, finally becoming aware of the somber faces surrounding him. His gaze rested on Hinamori on the neighboring table, just as he had left her when he had gone under. Only…something wasn't right. He looked back at the faces around him. Renji…Kira—he was crying. Matsumoto just stood, arms folded loosely across her abdomen. Unohana…there was pity in her eyes. Just then, he became aware of the only noticeable sound in the entire room—a high-pitched whine. All expression drained from his face as he slowly turned his head back to Hinamori's body. It was a flatline. Hinamori was dead. 


	8. A Light in the Darkness

**A Light in the Darkness**

It...couldn't be. She couldn't be...dead?! The constant whining of the electrocardiograph grew louder in his ears, permeating his senses as the room seemed to shrink around him. Time slowed to a stop, and there was only him...and her. He bolted upright, swinging his legs off the edge of the table and stared at her in disbelief. Hinamori lay still, her face at peace. She would have looked asleep if it wasn't for the piercing sound and the incredibly pale color her face had become. White noise began to surround him, drowning out the high-pitched whine. "It...c..c..." all that came out was a guttural choke.

Matsumoto broke her commune with the floor to glance at the incredulity in her captain's expression. He looked like he was about to break. His mask was gone. For a fleeting moment, she felt his desperation until the panic started to fade from his face. For that one moment, she saw the despair of a man who just lost everything he had ever held dear. She waited for him to do something…anything. His eyes now showed no trace of the hope that had glinted from them when he woke. They were lifeless. The icy power they once had had melted into nothing. "Taichou...?" she ventured.

He gave her no response. The small captain merely stared, transfixed, as if time had suddenly stopped. Matsumoto spoke, more forcibly this time, "Taichou...!" Histugaya twitched. He didn't fight the numbness that had already begun to snake throughout his body. He couldn't...he didn't _want_ to. His head swam. He felt dizzy. This had to be a joke—a dream. He was still inside her mind. It was an illusion. Just another _illusion_. It just..._had_ to be...

But deep down, he knew that he was really awake. This _was_ reality. He was back, but she...wasn't. He clenched his fist, pressing it into the surface of the table harder and harder until his nails dug into the palm of his hand. Why hadn't she followed him?! Was she still unconvinced? He had showed her, hadn't he? Everything. The first time he had wanted to show anyone his real feelings..._especially_ her, yet she still hadn't acknowledged him. _I told you to follow _me_ now! I wanted you to!  
...I needed you to...  
...You can't leave...  
...not again..._

As he reached for her, he pitched forward and had to brace himself to keep from collapsing off the table and onto the floor. At this, the frozen scene came to life again around him. Somber Fourth Division attendants helped stabilize him on the table, but Hitsugaya took no notice. All he could see was Hinamori's body. All he could hear was the whine of the machine. He had failed her _again_. God, how many times did he have to endure his own uselessness when all he wanted to do was keep her safe?! Was this all he could do? All he was capable of? A captain's power... What _good_ was it if it couldn't even save the life of the girl he loved?!

He didn't realize he was being taken from the room until the rolling table was halfway through the huge double doors. Suddenly, something tingled his senses like a distant flame, small and faint, but he recognized it immediately. Adrenaline surged through him, evaporating the numbness. A desperate hope, maybe, but all he knew was that he couldn't leave that room. In one fluid motion he sat up and pushed the astonished Fourth Division staff members out of the way as he sprang from the table.

"Unohana-taichou!" he shouted over the din of rising voices. "Send me back! You've got to send me back! I can reach her! She's not gone yet!" He knew nothing. Only that he had to get to Hinamori. The shouted orders to restrain him had no sound against his deaf ears. He had almost reached her until he found himself struggling to break free from Renji and Kira, each on one of his arms, slowly pulling him back to the doors. Hitsugaya fought back. He wasn't going to come so far for it to end like _this_. "HINAMORI!"

...Beep...

All traffic in the Omega Room stopped. A hush fell over everything as bewildered faces turned slowly to watch the one jagged peak pass along the solid, straight line of the electrocardiograph screen. A heartbeat. She was _alive_. He _knew_ it. Hitsugaya took advantage of his captors' brief astonishment and wrenched his arms free. He was the only thing that moved in that room as he flew toward her.

He reached her table and took her hand in his. He mumbled something over her the remaining shinigami failed to hear. Then, he was thrown backward, as a shockwave slammed him into a rolling cart nearby; a loud crash as various utensils hit the floor. _What the...!_ He would have been shot clear across the room had he not braced himself at the last second. _What the hell..._was_ that?!_ In all the years he had been a captain, he had never once dealt with an illusory technique so advanced and so powerful.

...Beep...

The sound jerked him out of his momentary stupor. His feet remained firmly planted on the floor where he stood, and he hesitated a moment more. At first he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but no...she was..._glowing_. A soft light, barely visible in the pure white room, radiated from her body.

...Beep...

Hitsugaya could feel it. Her reiatsu...it was getting stronger. "Hinamori...?"

...Beep...

The air in the room shifted, as if everyone took a deep breath at the same time and held it there, waiting. Hinamori still lay as she was, unmoving, but something was different. Even ten feet away from her, it was clear as day. Color had flushed back into her face. Hitsugaya made it halfway to the table, and his heart almost leapt into his throat when he saw her. The expression of peaceful slumber had changed...and she had started breathing again. Her brow was furrowed just as it used to be when she learned a new kidou technique, and couldn't quite get it right the first time.

...Beep...

...Beep...

At this, Hitsugaya couldn't stop the smirk that spread across his face. He closed the distance between him and the table and spoke, "Hinamori."

...Beep...

"I know you can hear me."

...Beep...

"Open your eyes. You're free."

Her fingers twitched.  
...Beep……beep…beep…beep…

The electrocardiograph sprung back to life into a constant rhythm as her pulse assumed a steady tempo. The faint flame he had felt before was growing. _Her reiatsu…It's getting stronger._ "Momo," he urged, "open your eyes…" Her face twitched and he took her hand.

_She's going to be alright_. Those words kept flashing inside his head. He wouldn't let them fade. Hitsugaya had already convinced himself that there was no stopping it now. She had to come back to him. She would. And he was going to be right here, waiting for her. "Momo…wake up."

_> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >   
_

_Hinamori opened her eyes, slowly. "Momo..." They fluttered a moment as they adjusted to the light in the room. She could hear a familiar voice growing steadily louder. "Momo...wake up." She could see the owner of that voice. A boy with white hair…he was leaning over her. "You overslept, Momo."_

"_Sh...Shirou-chan...?" she said, a little groggy. _

"_Hey! Get outta my bed already, will ya?!" Toushirou shook her. She sat bolt upright._

"_Sh…Shirou-chan!" Hinamori hugged the sheets in front of her. "Wh…what time is it?"_

"_It's time to get UP. Granny's calling us for breakfast." Toshirou pulled the sheets back toward his side, exasperated with her for not moving._

_Hinamori looked as if she was about to cry. "I...I'm sorry, Shirou-chan. I guess I accidentally fell asleep..."_

_That look on her face erased his annoyance with her and he immediately started fumbling. "Hey...hey! C'mon...don't cry or anything." Toshirou rolled his eyes and scoffed. He hated it when girls cried. "You couldn't help that you had a nightmare..."_

_Hinamori sobbed into the sheets clutched in her hands. "I...didn't...mean..." She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see little Toshirou, his hair tousled and a mess, staring at her with...concern? _

_Toshirou placed his other hand on her other shoulder and reluctantly said, "It's OK. I...I'm sorry I yelled..." After all, this had been the first time she had sought comfort from him due to one of her nightmares. "Let's go have some breakfast, 'kay?" She had only vaguely realized it then. Her Toshirou was there for her. He was her light, always there to protect her from the darkness…always there…_

_He was…he _is_…he's here._

"_Momo..._" She heard that voice again. "Momo..._wake up_."

_But I'm already awake._

"I'm right here. Everyone's waiting."

_I know...I can hear...?_

"Momo?"

_Shirou-chan...is that you?_

"Wake up."

_I'm trying...It's still so dark..._

"Wake...UP."

With those words a jolt of pain shot through her arm. But whatever it was it had done the trick. She gasped, and her eyes flew open. The blinding white light seared her eyes and made them tear. She was on a table, her surroundings a fuzzy mesh of inarticulate shapes. She could hear voices but could not yet make out the words. Standing next to her, barely visible against the stark white walls of the large room...a young man with white hair dressed also in white... gazing down at her...concern on his face.

"Shi...rou-cha...ah!...Hitsu...gaya-kun…?" Her voice was a mere whisper, having grown hoarse with disuse. It was him. But was he real? Her vision was a little blurry; her eyes still adjusting to the light.  
"Aa," he answered in confirmation. "We've been waiting for you." He smirked. "You overslept...Momo..."

Minutes seemed to pass without regard, as everyone waited. They heard whispers, nothing more until Hitsugaya stepped aside allowing them all to see. Hinamori _was_ alive. There she was, still lying there, but awake and aware.  
It was like an immense weight was lifted and the air immediately seemed lighter. Renji felt like he could breathe again. Kira was about to pass out from the anxiety. And all Matsumoto could do was smile, but on the inside she was bursting. _Taichou, you did it. _You_ saved her._

Hinamori made a weak effort to sit up. Gentle smiles spread across faces lining the room. Unohana was the one to speak, "Hitsugaya-taichou…I think it's time we moved Hinamori-fuku taichou to a more comfortable location. She needs to rest."

"Of course." Hitsugaya helped her lie back down on the table as the attendants scurried around, detaching the machines and making preparations to move her.  
"You may come too if you wish." She held out the black layrobe he had arrived in. Without a word, Hitsugaya, icy mask securely back in place, approached and slipped his arms into the open sleeves. He nodded his sincerest thanks to her before falling in line behind the already-rolling table and out of the Omega Room.

* * *

Wow. Hi. So I know it's been awhile since I've updated this story... SO sorry!!!!!! m(. .)m 

Truth is, I've had this chapter done for months, I just never got around to editing it. I'm finishing up my masters thesis at the moment, so I can only tackle one writing project at a time! I promise, though, that this story is not over yet, and I will update again once I'm done with my dissertation. Thank you so much for reviewing and showing your support! I really appreciate it! And sorry, again, for the long wait...


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